VOIDS

Many.  But the big one at the end of this week is:  two babysitting jobs (one overnight tonight, the other tomorrow evening) of mine have been canceled, due to issues stemming from canceled flights.  I’m bummed, because I love both of those kids (and can use the money, of course), but I am glad that little L will be able to wake up to snow tomorrow with her mama, and that K will be able to spend some quality time with his mommy and daddy tomorrow night as they prepare for the arrival of family.

I, however, am sitting here in sweatpants.  I should be filling the void with replying to emails and cleaning my room.  But what am I doing?  Watching old SNLs and finding songs to put on my iTunes wishlist.  (Have you used it yet?  So handy!)  Here’s a song that I hear at work sometimes.  I kind of love it.  Even before I heard the lyrics, “Asked to be her husband / she already had one / in prison.”

JUST WATCH THIS.

1994!

Somewhat related:  I was watching “Sleepless in Seattle” (perfect movie, in case you were wondering my feelings on it) tonight and marveling – “wow, people wore big-shouldered pink suits and frizzy straight-across bobs not too long ago!” – and then I realized:  the film is set in 1991, and was made not long after that.  That was TWENTY YEARS AGO.

I know I’m not old, but I definitely feel it today.

THREE SONGS IN A ROW FROM AUSTIN’S MIX CD

My brother makes mix CDs for us to listen to in the Crown Vic.  The other day, I turned on the car to find a mixtape featuring these three songs in a row:

(1)  

(2)  

(3)  

I love my brothers.  I will miss this one when he goes back to school this week.

THANK YOU

to the people who responded to my last post.  Sometimes it’s amazing (in the truest sense of the word) how much peace is available to us when we take the time to wonder aloud, rather than mull alone.  God and I are still working through our relationship issues (and will continue to for a while…He’s patient), but on this issue, I’m not suspicious of Him anymore.

When people criticize the internet (yes, THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS around me) or some ambiguous idea of “technology,” I think how grateful I am for it; while it can be used for horrible things, it also provides an open avenue for honest, vulnerable communication.  Thank you, People Who Care.

ON UTTER HOPELESSNESS.

A Princeton grad student – in his fifth year, having had what I’d consider to be an amazing educational and professional life – committed suicide last Wednesday.  He made his suicide note public and asked that it be reproduced in its entirety, instead of having people wonder why he did it.

I am dumbstruck and physically hurting for Mr. Zeller.  There is so much here to take in.  I myself am depressed, and God and I are still on the outs (big growl of frustration), and I am thinking of the moments when I remember something bad happening to me – and the moments when I feel like I can’t look someone in the eye – and the moments when I think I’m realizing that I won’t ever have a husband or a normal relationship – and the moments when everything’s in a fog -

what if that were my whole life?

By God’s grace, it hasn’t been.  But it’s really not easy for me to believe in God’s grace when I read something like this.  WHY could SOMETHING not have been different – the abuser have not been so sick in the head (and thus not been an abuser); Mr. Zeller’s personality been different (and thus felt more comfortable sharing things with people); the pressure on male communication not have skewed so far into the “emotionless pragmatism” goal; and do not EVEN get me started on his family.

Honestly, I’m looking for some God-given insight here.  Bible passage to point me to?  (Only if you know me, please.)

THANK YOU, INTERNETS.

Oh yes.

NO WAY THIS MAKES ME A “NIXIE” SUBSCRIBER.

Watching lots of “Family Ties” and uploading photos onto Facebook.  Realizing I have a weird crush on Alex P. Keaton.

“It’s just that you’re my only brother.  I get a little crazy when it comes to you, ’cause I know that you are destined for greatness – the same way that Jennifer’s destined for greatness, the way I’m destined for greatness, and Mallory’s destined to be cared for by the state.”

I HAVE A THEORY.

For reasons that I will explain to you if you want (and that apparently are so deep-seated that I haven’t fully articulated them myself), I really thoroughly enjoyed the film How Do You Know.  Now, I’m not saying you have to do the same.  What I AM saying is that if you Tweet something to the effect of, “My husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend and I went to the movies and it’s $9.50×2 down the drain,” or make a hashtag about this film being the “worst movie ever,” I think we can’t be friends.

I’ve finally found good criteria for formation of a friendship.  This is progress.

YOWZA!

Just found out that the newest Anthro will be in EDINBURGH!  Yep, Scotland.  Excited about this.

(Current status:  full and happy on Christmas Eve with the family.  Watching Date Night. “Ugh, they stabbed a chicken nugget with a sharpie!  These are bad people.”)

THEY ARE CANDLES!

I need some more of this in my holiday this year.